ADULTHOOD

I am now in the brink of the proverbial womanhood. Though I know I shall have to move on I am still uncertain, hesitant, reluctant. Looking back at the seventeen deliriously happy years that I have spent, I feel them slipping away from my hands. As my years advance, my memories recede. Life is taking me to the place where I shall be the master of my own self, I shall take my own decisions, make my own life, but do I really want that? I don’t remember my mom taking me in her arms when I was born, I don’t remember my relatives fussing over me, I don’t remember my father coo-cooing to me. But I know all this had happened. And I don’t want to lose them. Like a scared rabbit I feel like running, hiding in the dark burrow from the perilous journey of adulthood. But moving on is life and move on I will. I don’t know what I am trying to say. I am just pouring down my feelings hoping they would make sense, hoping they would give me the strength to fight this insane fear, hoping they would give me courage to face the coming years. And I am reminiscing. My eyes are witness to my tears but they are also witness to the smile that is taking the sad tilt of my lips upwards. Being a kid was a cheerful time for me. Instead of flying at the speed of lightning, they had passed like a boat taken out for a day of relaxation, floating on the water and swaying gently to the breeze that surrounded it. That is why I am scared. Now my days shall fly. They shall take me further and further away from my childhood, those fun days that I struggle to hold on to, the days that I refuse to let go. But as I said, life has to move on and so shall I. But before I plunge into this darkness I shall shed all my fears, anxieties and pre conceived notions. I shall shed them like the skin of my older self and move on bravely, courage written all over my countenance, so confident that no one, not one I would believe that I was petrified at the change in my life. But I was. And nobody need know. Just you and me.